The real test is begining
Only after all events are over, the test is really beginning.
After almost emptying the bank account, went through all the ceremony, quarrel over the design of the flat, many couples could call it quit. But if one went through all these and stay very much in love, let me tell you the real test is just beginning.
First, marriage bring together 2 FAMILIES together. One do not marry just the other half, the other half comes with all family members whether one like it or not.
Second, marriage is the union of 2 person in love and from different upbringing. So what does this means, this means there is PLENTLY of room for conflict when you realise that the other half do not perform task that one had seen their parents perform.
Third, marriage is the time when you discover each other spending habits as well as money concept. Sometimes one do not realise how little the other party knows about money, it was only after living together doing the family budget then the cat is out of the bag.
Fourth, one came to realise : A woman married a man thinking he will change, but he never. A man married a woman thinking she would not change, but she change.
Lets talk about my experience, I never knew that after marriage, as the newest member of his extended family, I am the LOWEST in ranks. Initially I was made to babysit his nephew on order by my MIL while she went to gamble. When his aunties, uncle and cousin start digging into my dinner as they want to try the food of their competitor, I do not know how to reject, end up with 1/3 of my dinner gone after their tasting. Not forgeting the disgusting feeling that so many people had contribute their saliva into the food that was later passed back to me. My own aunties asked for permission and they just informed.
My dad is the main breadwinner for the family, my mum when she worked, she is a babysitter, contributing to a fair bit of the family expenses. My dad did all the "heavier" household chores like cleaning the fan, the lights, so after marriage I was disappointed to realise had to do EVERYTHING even when I am heavily pregnant!
I knew SO did not have good money habits. It took me some years before I came to know how bad his personal finance is. Initially we did quarrel over money quite a few times, maybe he thinks I am too young to talk to him about money, but now he came to learn that my knowledge is better than him. Wish me luck to be able to control his finances, which he claim he will when he is ready.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Monday, October 3, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Happily Ever After? - Part 5
Renovation
After the flat, now what? To many it is the long process of decorating the love nest. Few couples will try to DIY to buy off the shelves, some are lucky to have relatives who are contractors who decide to earn just a little just charging below the market rate, but many are not so fortunate, they had to go to those interior designer firms.
How to look for those so-called interior designer firms which majority in this market are renovation contractors who just hired 1-2 interior designer then they package themselves as design firm? First is by those furniture events, if you went to those furniture events held at Singapore expo, most of the company there deal with renovation. These firms come with free consulting, you gave them your flor plan, they will sketched out a rough plan of what to be placed at where. To achieve the showroom effect which are often no so practical, comes with a hefty price tag, not forgetting hefty electrical bills as well.
If one like what was presented, they will ask for a detailed drawing, tat is when all the cost comes in. Detailed drawing do not come cheap, each drawing can be around $100 - $500 per piece. Per piece refers to PER ROOM. So the interior designer normally ask you to sign for a renovation package. For $xxxxx amount, it includes the drawings, the customised fittings, flooring, some will throw in lightings, air con and stuff as well. But so far, lightings, windows grilles are some additional charges that is to be added to the $xxxxx amount.
How can one afford this $xxxxx amount, some will empty what left of their bank account, others may take renovation loan from the bank. The interior designer firms are also very keen to assist by doing all the supporting paperworks hoping that the good service provided may result in upgrading the package to $yyyyy since you are already taking a loan.
Maximum loan I saw from OCBC website is $30000 or 6 times the monthly salary. Interest rate is a minimum 5.38% and interest is charge monthly, with maximum repayment period of 5 years.
So in all after the wedding, the renovation process will drain the bank accounts or make one in debt.
After the flat, now what? To many it is the long process of decorating the love nest. Few couples will try to DIY to buy off the shelves, some are lucky to have relatives who are contractors who decide to earn just a little just charging below the market rate, but many are not so fortunate, they had to go to those interior designer firms.
How to look for those so-called interior designer firms which majority in this market are renovation contractors who just hired 1-2 interior designer then they package themselves as design firm? First is by those furniture events, if you went to those furniture events held at Singapore expo, most of the company there deal with renovation. These firms come with free consulting, you gave them your flor plan, they will sketched out a rough plan of what to be placed at where. To achieve the showroom effect which are often no so practical, comes with a hefty price tag, not forgetting hefty electrical bills as well.
If one like what was presented, they will ask for a detailed drawing, tat is when all the cost comes in. Detailed drawing do not come cheap, each drawing can be around $100 - $500 per piece. Per piece refers to PER ROOM. So the interior designer normally ask you to sign for a renovation package. For $xxxxx amount, it includes the drawings, the customised fittings, flooring, some will throw in lightings, air con and stuff as well. But so far, lightings, windows grilles are some additional charges that is to be added to the $xxxxx amount.
How can one afford this $xxxxx amount, some will empty what left of their bank account, others may take renovation loan from the bank. The interior designer firms are also very keen to assist by doing all the supporting paperworks hoping that the good service provided may result in upgrading the package to $yyyyy since you are already taking a loan.
Maximum loan I saw from OCBC website is $30000 or 6 times the monthly salary. Interest rate is a minimum 5.38% and interest is charge monthly, with maximum repayment period of 5 years.
So in all after the wedding, the renovation process will drain the bank accounts or make one in debt.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Happily Ever After - Part 4
The biggest LIABILITY of all time- the FLAT
There are some who think of their flat is their biggest asset, think again. Anything that makes you pay , interests included and yet do not earn anything is a LIABILITY!
Flats today cost about 300k ( 4 room flat) for a BTO project, and much more for a 2nd hand flat.
So lets talk about BTO for now.
From what I had known as rules are like forever changing. What applies to me may not applies to anyone. For the full step by step of applying please go to HDB website
As you can see, from the start of application to be in a queue is already a $10. Some couples like my sister actually paid a few $10 before they manage to secure a decent number in a queue. Some of the queue number they obtain are simply OBSENCE that they did not even bother checking if there are any units left.
After you had manage to choose a flat, an option fee is pay to secure the booking. Even though this amount is subsequently refund if there is enough money in the CPF account. But still cash is needed.
Then comes the downpayment which is normally paid via the CPF. As I do not know how the banks work. I will share my experience with HDB. I was not working when the downpayment was made. this 10% was paid using SO's CPF and om top of that an additional $5000 was made as we are not married. (Under the Fiance/Fiancee scheme which amount will be used to offset the flat once we submit our marriage certificate.) After hearing that the HBD will empty the CPF account before any loan is offered, SO quickly emptied his CPF account by investing his money in the OA.
When we finally collected our keys like 4 years later, as my pay was relatively low and I started working for only 2 yeat plus, the amount was insufficient. SO was made to sell a part of his investment, transfer the money back to his OA to make payment for the remaining 10%. So we finally collect our keys to the flat. As SO was working as a cab driver since 2 years ago, his CPF contribution to the OA is stagnant. The loan amount taken was around 150k. So for the 30 years loan that we are able to secure, monthly payment is made via my CPF account with another $50 to be made in cash.
For couples who are both working and contributing to the CPF OA, please make sure you paid the maximum amount affordable per month so as to cut the loan period. A 2.6% interest per year is not sexy. And to my horror, after a yearly statement recieve, majority of the amount I had made, most of it had went to paying interest instead of principal sum. Luckily I change to a higher even though still lower pay job, I manage to pay for the loan solely via CPF.
4 months ago, due to 2 years of extra money in the CPF due to the good bonus recieve in 2010 and 2011, and the small excess amount accumulate over the years, I manage to make an additional payment of 9k which result in reduction of loan repayment by 1yr and 8months!
After this I had actually make a lot of noise at SO whose investment amount was like a 60k, which will cut the repayment period by years. But after I did a slow calculation, his investment returns are aound 4% which is more than 2.6% interest, so I decide to leave the money as it is. Hopefully after 8 years, this 60K will grow to pay off the flat in 1 shot. Thats when I will be more or less DEBT-FREE.
Having a huge saving is nice, but being debt-free is sexy!
There are some who think of their flat is their biggest asset, think again. Anything that makes you pay , interests included and yet do not earn anything is a LIABILITY!
Flats today cost about 300k ( 4 room flat) for a BTO project, and much more for a 2nd hand flat.
So lets talk about BTO for now.
From what I had known as rules are like forever changing. What applies to me may not applies to anyone. For the full step by step of applying please go to HDB website
As you can see, from the start of application to be in a queue is already a $10. Some couples like my sister actually paid a few $10 before they manage to secure a decent number in a queue. Some of the queue number they obtain are simply OBSENCE that they did not even bother checking if there are any units left.
After you had manage to choose a flat, an option fee is pay to secure the booking. Even though this amount is subsequently refund if there is enough money in the CPF account. But still cash is needed.
Then comes the downpayment which is normally paid via the CPF. As I do not know how the banks work. I will share my experience with HDB. I was not working when the downpayment was made. this 10% was paid using SO's CPF and om top of that an additional $5000 was made as we are not married. (Under the Fiance/Fiancee scheme which amount will be used to offset the flat once we submit our marriage certificate.) After hearing that the HBD will empty the CPF account before any loan is offered, SO quickly emptied his CPF account by investing his money in the OA.
When we finally collected our keys like 4 years later, as my pay was relatively low and I started working for only 2 yeat plus, the amount was insufficient. SO was made to sell a part of his investment, transfer the money back to his OA to make payment for the remaining 10%. So we finally collect our keys to the flat. As SO was working as a cab driver since 2 years ago, his CPF contribution to the OA is stagnant. The loan amount taken was around 150k. So for the 30 years loan that we are able to secure, monthly payment is made via my CPF account with another $50 to be made in cash.
For couples who are both working and contributing to the CPF OA, please make sure you paid the maximum amount affordable per month so as to cut the loan period. A 2.6% interest per year is not sexy. And to my horror, after a yearly statement recieve, majority of the amount I had made, most of it had went to paying interest instead of principal sum. Luckily I change to a higher even though still lower pay job, I manage to pay for the loan solely via CPF.
4 months ago, due to 2 years of extra money in the CPF due to the good bonus recieve in 2010 and 2011, and the small excess amount accumulate over the years, I manage to make an additional payment of 9k which result in reduction of loan repayment by 1yr and 8months!
After this I had actually make a lot of noise at SO whose investment amount was like a 60k, which will cut the repayment period by years. But after I did a slow calculation, his investment returns are aound 4% which is more than 2.6% interest, so I decide to leave the money as it is. Hopefully after 8 years, this 60K will grow to pay off the flat in 1 shot. Thats when I will be more or less DEBT-FREE.
Having a huge saving is nice, but being debt-free is sexy!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Happily Ever After? - Part 3
The Marriage- Wedding ceremony
For some couples who had options to stay with either parents may choose to go ahead with the traditional wedding.
For those, who do not have a choice, or simply do not like the choice, may wait for the new flat, renovate the flat then they hold the wedding ceremony.
For some lucky men, this whole money draining process is SKIPPED! Maybe just a holiday and thats all!
Read: my SO is one lucky man, as I am a simple woman. I do not like to act that I am on good terms with my mother-in-law, forced to greet all the elders who came and I knew that the only day I will ever meet them, forced to smile 100 times when the photographer goes, the bride please smile brightly even after a long day, and worse wake up at 5am in the morning to start all the preparation work!
Note: As I did not have first hand experience, all these are some grumbling I had heard from friends.
What is needed for a wedding of a lifetime...
For some couples who had options to stay with either parents may choose to go ahead with the traditional wedding.
For those, who do not have a choice, or simply do not like the choice, may wait for the new flat, renovate the flat then they hold the wedding ceremony.
For some lucky men, this whole money draining process is SKIPPED! Maybe just a holiday and thats all!
Read: my SO is one lucky man, as I am a simple woman. I do not like to act that I am on good terms with my mother-in-law, forced to greet all the elders who came and I knew that the only day I will ever meet them, forced to smile 100 times when the photographer goes, the bride please smile brightly even after a long day, and worse wake up at 5am in the morning to start all the preparation work!
Note: As I did not have first hand experience, all these are some grumbling I had heard from friends.
What is needed for a wedding of a lifetime...
- Bride money. The groom had to give a token sum to the bride mother, where NORMALLY the bride mother will return a portion back to groom. Those money-eaters may demand a large sum. So far, I heard this amount varies from a token sum of a small 4 digits where the mother actually give back the groom to prepare for the banquet to a five figure amount.
- Wedding gown. Most couple actually rent from bridal shop. This expenses is expensive, mostly bundled with phototaking session inside the studio, for a limited number of photos that is nicely printed to be shown to guests who bother to flip when they attend the wedding dinner. After the actual day, they are kept in the dark and out of mind. The cheapest I heard is like $3000 which include the gown, and a cocktail dress for the bride.
- Videographer/ photographer. A grand day need memories. So to hire a photographer to be with you to record the whole process also need money. I have no idea how much they cost anyway, but they are not cheap. Depends on who you had hired, some come with their own transport and do not mind ferrying the "sisters".
- Make-up artist/ hairstylist. They are bundles as package with the wedding gown normally.
- Banquet. A small dinner normally comes with 28-30 tables MINIMUM. A decent dinner may cosy around $800 for restaurants to $XXXX for hotels.
- Tea Ceremony. It is where the elders pay a hefty price for pretend drinking. Depends on the depth of pockets, a cup may worth around $100- $200 for relatives, Parents will normally pay a higher price.
- Jewellery from mother-in-law to bride. Depends on how generous your mother/monster-in-law is. But be ensure to demand for gold jewellery. Bling bling do not have 2nd hand value.
- Banquet. Some couples may think that the banquet is a place for all the money spend to be returned. But sadly, if the bride's mother ask for a number of table, eg 10. These 10 tables ang pow, she has the right to take and not give back if they are given to her directly. The same for the groom. If the parents request for a number of tables, and the ang pow is given to them directly, they may act blur as well. And for the ang pows deposit into the box, only friends, collegues will try to let you break even. Relatives are another story. Lets say you invite your relatives who are a family of 6, do you think they will be giving you a $600 ang pow? You can smile and laugh if they decide to give you $500 so you do not lose too much. So couples with huge family size, please be prepared to make a loss.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Happily Ever After? - Part 2
The registration of marriage
For those who are interested to know how to start the whole ROM process, please refer to ROM website
ROM by itself is a low cost affair. It cost just $26 if either party is a pink or blue IC holder.
This small amount is only valid for couples who want a fuss-free wedding. Exchange of rings is NOT compulsory.
But people seldom wants a fuss-free wedding you see. The cost will have to include
For those who are interested to know how to start the whole ROM process, please refer to ROM website
ROM by itself is a low cost affair. It cost just $26 if either party is a pink or blue IC holder.
This small amount is only valid for couples who want a fuss-free wedding. Exchange of rings is NOT compulsory.
But people seldom wants a fuss-free wedding you see. The cost will have to include
- Wedding bands for both bride and groom. I had know people who had a huge fight over this issue, because the groom insist that they bought each other rings for the ring exchange and the bride thinks thet this should be the groom expenses for both rings.
- Clothes. Most couple either buy or rent gowns, suit for the wedding. A simple wedding, the groom does wear a new shirt doesn't he?
- Food. If they decide to give everyone who attend the ceremony a small treat as thanks for their witnessing and taking valuable time off to grace the ocassion. But if they decide to hold the ceremony out of the Registry of marriage, it may be a hotel , restaurant or even at home (refreshment for guests), food cost is to be factored in. This is according to couple budget. But restaurant package of a simple 2 hr solemnisation ceremony for 2 tables cost a few hundred bucks.
- Small ang-pow to the solemnizer if they decide to hold the ceremony outside of registry of marriage. This amount is a token sum to cover transportation, some solemnizer are known to write personal vows for the couple to exchange, and the token sum is also an appreciation of thanks.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Happily ever after? - Part 1
The proprosal.
To some woman, the only way of proposing is with a diamond ring hopefully from some atas jewellery chain preperably come with a small blue box. The ring do not need to have special design, but a nice one carat bling bling will allow your friends to understand that "HE HAD PROPOSED!!!" and let you be the center of attention for that one day out.
I had heard comments of men who are grumbling after knowing their girlfriend expectation.
"Diamond rings! And she expect it to be 1 carat because her friends' hubby proposed with a 1 carat ring!"
" Diamond ring. If I buy 1 carat but from those diamond outlet, the cost is much lower and yet the size is the same, it does not matter right"
" I do not understand why she insist on a diamond ring. She will only wear it during weekends or when we are out. Other times the ring will hinder her actions, and she is scare to be cut by the ring!"
For what I know diamond rings do not come cheap. So men, before you even pull her to apply for some BTO projects as minimum waiting time is 3 years, make sure you have enough money to afford a decent 1 carat diamond ring.
To some woman, the only way of proposing is with a diamond ring hopefully from some atas jewellery chain preperably come with a small blue box. The ring do not need to have special design, but a nice one carat bling bling will allow your friends to understand that "HE HAD PROPOSED!!!" and let you be the center of attention for that one day out.
I had heard comments of men who are grumbling after knowing their girlfriend expectation.
"Diamond rings! And she expect it to be 1 carat because her friends' hubby proposed with a 1 carat ring!"
" Diamond ring. If I buy 1 carat but from those diamond outlet, the cost is much lower and yet the size is the same, it does not matter right"
" I do not understand why she insist on a diamond ring. She will only wear it during weekends or when we are out. Other times the ring will hinder her actions, and she is scare to be cut by the ring!"
For what I know diamond rings do not come cheap. So men, before you even pull her to apply for some BTO projects as minimum waiting time is 3 years, make sure you have enough money to afford a decent 1 carat diamond ring.
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